Wednesday, 29 December 2010

Aleah and the Doctor

A post-pregnancy, pre-Korea tale.  This is the story of my ill-fated trip to the Walmart eye doctor.  Whom I hope never to see again.

Here's how my day started:
First, I had no sleep. Why? Because I was arguing with Husband. The worst part? I was definitely the wrong party this time. I won't go into detail; suffice it to say he got a well-deserved apology and will be getting extra head when I see him again.

Next, after having had no sleep, I had to schlep the kiddos to the sitter so I could get my eyes re-checked for the contacts I'd recently been fitted for. Let me tell you people, exhaustion aside, I took a little time getting ready for my appointment...'cause Dr. McPretty is kinda cute. Not as hot as Husband; more of a preppy "I'm-a-sexy-opthamologist-and-probably-like-it-missionary-style-only" kind of way, but still. I'm not gonna just wear scrub pants and a tank top for my appointment. So I put on some makeup, my cute jeans, did the hair, and went to my appointment. While I'm sitting in the chair, shoulders back, breath fresh, and hair clean, he puts his opthalmoscope up to his eye, and put his face thisclosetomine while shining that irritatingly bright light into my eye.

Well, you know how usually, if you have to sneeze, you get a few second's warning? You know, at least a tingle in the nose, a slight watering of the eye, your breath catches, you're like "Oh my god, back the fuck up, need some space," SOMETHING???

Today, I got no such warning.

No sooner did the light hit my eye than my head jerked back slightly and I basically ejaculated out of my nose at the man.


I honestly can't tell you who was more horrified, me or McPretty. I have never had such a look of disgust directed at me in my life. He seriously looked like he wanted to peel his own face off and throw it in the sink. In fact, he looked as if he'd been on his way to church and accidentally stumbled upon a Mexican donkey show in the middle of Main street.

The best part? His office is in Walmart, so now I can only do my grocery shopping between the hours of 9pm and 5am, in order to ensure that I never run into him again.

However, I don't have an astigmatism. Which is awesome.

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