Thursday, 31 March 2011

Aleah's Horrible Awful No Good Very Bad Week.

Christ, where do I begin...(I will warn you now: there will be expletives. Likely several).

Well, as some of you surmised. the Vs and I decided to move back to the States before Husband's DEROS; mainly so I can work and go to Walmart. Yes. I love Walmart that much.  I used to loathe it, but that was before I lived in a country where the PX and commissary were the size of a mini mart and my facial cleansing choices were between something called Ambi and some outdated Oil of Olay.

So, Husband, being the wonderful man he is, booked a flight back to IL and last Thursday (Korean Thursday; here it was still Wednesday) we were on our way. The first leg of our journey was uneventful; we flew from Seoul to Tokyo with just a 2 1/2 hour layover before our flight from Japan to L.A. Let me say that at this point, Little V was his usual perky, sunny, happy and gregarious self.

About an hour into our flight from Tokyo, I noticed that Little V, who was in my lap, was getting hot - and I'm not talking about a slow gradual temp rise; that boy went from 98.6 to oh-my-fucking-god he's BURNING UP in the space of about ten minutes. He seemed very lethargic, so I stripped him down, changed his barely wet diaper to a dry one, and laid him out on my lap to cool him off.  I asked a flight attendant if she or anyone might have some infant Tylenol or ibruprofen and a thermometor, which, naturally, they didn't carry.  I changed his position to try to keep cooling him, but it wasn't long before he conked right out on my shoulder. A few minutes later, he started what I thought was twitching in his sleep (which is normal; he's done it before)... however this went on for a good minute or so.  I leaned him back so I could look at him, and everything in me froze: his eyes were staring off to the side, completely out of focus, and his whole body started jerking. I knew immediately he was having a seizure; most likely a febrile seizure from his temp rising too high, too quickly.  I jumped into the aisle and looked for a FA, and of course couldn't see a single one. The family seated next to me finally started to try to flag down an attendant, but it wasn't until I actually yelled "HEY! I need some assistance!" that they came down my way. Luckily another flyer had infant Tylenol, but I still had to bathe him with icy wash clothes to keep him cool. He passed out on my shoulder again, so for the next 9 hours I held and stared at him, looking for any changes.

About an hour and a half before descent, his temp started to go up again.  His diaper was still dry, he was still lethargic, and wasn't really responding to having his name called. I called for the FA again, just before he gagged and started vomiting. After he was finished, he started convulsing again, and that was when I told the FA to have medics meet us on the plane.

We had an emergency landing and were towed the rest of the way into the airport, where LA county firemen/medics met us on board.  As we were being transported to the closest local ED, I began to notice, despite my worries, that all the medics were, well, rather hott. White white teeth, perfect smiles, tight t shirts; basically they all looked like candidates for mister June or August on one of those fireman calendars.  Upon our arrival at the ED, once again, the place was crawling with model-worthy firemen, and it finally dawned on me - these dudes were all aspiring actors and models, and the medic stuff was just their day job (gotta love L.A.)

SO, upon arriving at the hospital, the first thing the ED doc wanted to do was do a lumbar on Vincent to check for meningitis. I tried explaining several times that while Korea is smelly and a bit grungy, it's not exactly a third-world country, and finally managed to dissuade him by allowing a catheter and a few vials of blood, along with IV antibiotics. His chest xray showed bilateral pneumonia, plus he had an ear infection, so he was NOT a happy baby. After his labs were back, the doc decided to transfer him to Miller Children's for more antibiotics and observation... which is to be continued; Imma tired biyotch right now.  So, dear readers, stay tuned... we still have Nirhadji the pediatrician with the hearing impairment and lisp to cover :)

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

G'bye, Korea

Rabbits Part Deux will have to wait a few days... I'm heading back to the States in a few days!  Naturally, I am busy on facebook, Twitter, and other assorted blogs and websites.  I still have 36 hours to pack.

Plenty of time.

Tuesday, 15 March 2011

The Rabbit Chronicles, Part One

Easter is nearly upon us, people.  As this is one of my least favorite holidays, I feel that it is time to start thinking about my annual PSA on Easter Bunnies, and on rabbits in general.  But first, I'll set the stage with a tale or two on How I Came To Hate Rabbits.  This is Part One.
When I was younger (say, 5, 6 years old?) one of my aunts took me to the state fair.  I was Excited Beyond Words, because not only were there rides, games that are impossible to win, and fair food, that year there was also a circus, and I was beside myself at the thought of seeing elephants:
Elephants were Awesome.  They were Majestic and Wise.  They also had pretty headpieces and pretty ladies that rode around on them in pretty sequined outfits, and I absolutely loved sequins.

Once we arrived at the fair, I couldn't wait to go look for the elephants.  I wanted to see them being fed, perhaps give them some peanuts (I had a few Planter's Honey Roasted tucked into my pocket just in case!), and maybe, just maybe, get to take a ride on a Beautiful Majestic Elephant:

Unfortunately, my aunt, uncle, and cousins weren't nearly as excited to see the elephants.  Instead they wanted to eat corndogs and ride huge rides that maybe even went upside down and made you vomit:

And if I went on those rides, not only would my peanuts fall out of my pocket, but I might vomit, too, and I was fairly certain that the pretty ladies who let little girls ride on elephants would probably not allow a vomit-covered, peanut-less little girl the priviledge of riding on one of their Majestic and Wise Elephants.

So, I decided to forge ahead on my own, leaving aunt, uncle, and cousins to brave the sweaty carnie droves while I went on my magical adventure.

Of course, I neglected to tell my aunt that I was leaving.  In retrospect, I do understand now how it might be a weensy bit nerve-wracking to turn, expecting to see your cute little niece tagging along, funnel cake in hand, to discover that she's nowhere to be found.  In fact, it is perfectly understandable that not only would my aunt have a come apart in the middle of the fairway, but also grab every stranger who passed and shriek into their faces "OH MY GOD HAVE YOU SEEN A LITTLE GIRL SHE'S LOST AND OH MY GOD HER MOTHER WILL KILL MEEEEEE!"

So that is how it came to pass that an entire circus troupe, every carnie at the state fair, most of the fair goers, and fair workers who were in costume came to be looking for me.

I, however, at this point was still blissfully unaware of the panic I'd caused, and so it was during the height of my Wonderful Elephant-Finding Adventure that this thing snatched me up into the air:

and shrieked into my five-or-six-year old face "OH MY GOD YOU'RE SO CUTE I COULD JUST EAT YOU UP!!!!"
Which, naturally, made me shriek at the top of my lungs and unfortunately, pee all over myself and the rabbit.

To be fair, what actually probably scooped me up was this:

but in my nightmares and daytime recollections what I always see is this

or this

and sometimes, inexplicably, this

all of which are undeniably creepy in their own way.

In the end, I rode no rides, ate no funnel cakes, and also lost my peanuts somehow.  However, it was still a few years before my terror also included "real" rabbits.

More on that later.

Sunday, 6 March 2011


I've got a few things coming up in the next few weeks I'm really looking forward to.  A small collection of posts on how total motherhood is using feminist rhetoric against women (politics! judgment!), a few tales about an evening at a nudist resort and my adventures apartment hunting in Tampa (comedy!), an upcoming collaboration with Stacey (comedy! motherhood! the Internet!), and hopefully... I'll be doing some of this from the comfort of the good 'ol U. S. of A. (I. Cannot. Wait!)

I've been a bit busy this past week. The Emperor is teething and starting to walk, I'm making new friends online and arguing with a few others, and every other day Little Einstein is either concocting an experiment in his toilet, studying the effects of fire on household objects, or dismantling something in his room in order to ensure that we will not be getting a single penny of our deposit back).

At some point I'd like to find a new background for this blog (my single attempt to change it a few weeks ago resulted in my blog roll disappearing, text overlapping other text, and all attempts to correct it were hindered by all the instructions being converted into Korean). 

So, patience, Dear Readers.  I'll be back.