Things I will miss about being in Korea (don't get excited; there's only one):
Being able to pass a police officer, on the right, while breezing through a red light (note to travelers - this isn't the best place to be a pedestrian).
Things I will NOT miss about being in Korea:
* The smells. They aren't just limited to the freaky wildlife and wildly inappropriate house pets. I've stepped out into my hallway more than once only to be olfactorily assaulted by my neighbor's eye-watering cooking. And to be honest, it just smells in general here. I don't know if it's because people just randomly poop outside or if there's an underlying sewage management problem, but this section of the country smells like dog shit.
* The restaurant selection. Yes, we're spoiled in the States. Even in a small town, you can choose between All-American, Steak House, Mexican, Mexican-American, Tex-Mex, Japanese, Chinese, American Chinese Buffet, Italian, and Chick-fil-A. Here (unless you go on post) there is Korean and Cheap Korean. (caveat: they do have some suspicious Koreanized American chains like Pizza Hut and Dunkin' Donuts [they love Dunkin' Donuts!] but it's not normal Pizza Hut... unless Pizza Hut has started offering a pizza that has corn dogs and Spam on it. I wish I was kidding).
* The moronic, idiotic, suicidal, head-in-the-goddamn-clouds PEDESTRIANS. There are footpaths, sidewalks, and bike paths all over the place, and CLEARLY DEFINED pedestrian crosswalks - do you think these people use them? Fuck no. Instead they literally walk down the middle of the road, tugging a cardboard-laden cart behind them, or cross against the light (and in this country that's practically a death wish), or just stand in the middle of the road, cars whizzing by on both sides, waiting to dart across like a reality version of Frogger.
* People. Are. Rude. Especially old women. They will literally barrel you over rather than walking around you. However, if you happen to have a blonde child (check) or one with a Mohawk (check) they will detain you, pick him up, take freshly purchased socks out of their own shopping bags to put on your sweaty-footed child, put a hat on him, and wrap him in blankets, all the while clucking away in Hangul, which you just know is a diatribe on your inferior American parenting skills.
Gah. There's no place like home.