Wednesday, 27 April 2011

Walmart and Sleep-Deprivation

So I have flesh-eating bacteria in my throat: Streptococcus pyogenes.

Y'know, strep throat :) Although I would love to launch into a captivating discussion on Group A beta-hemolytic bacteria and other opportunistic pathogens, I have a feeling that many of those who read my Blonde blog aren't coming here for lectures on M proteins and lipoteichoic acids (in fact, according to Google Analytics I get a significant amount of hits from people googling "blonde no clothes" and such); thus I will move on.  I had to mention the strep, though, in order to explain why I did what I did next.

I have a somewhat "different" sense of humor; things that others may not find funny, I will find highly amusing, and yes, at times, my humor is kinda sophomoric.  However, when I am tired (I'd just come off a 6p to 6a shift) and sick (flesh-eating throat bacteria), my sense of humor gets a bit more, um, lethal :)

So, I went to the doctor, got a prescription for antibiotics, and went to the Walmart pharmacy, because everyone knows I love Walmart.  Now, when the NP had written my prescription, she'd asked if I was on birth control, and I told her not right now, because my husband's stationed overseas.  She merely remarked "Okay, you don't have anything to worry about then."

Cut to the pharmaceutical tech at Walmart.  When I went to the window to collect my medication, she asked me to sign for it, and then asked, "Are you still on birth control pills?"  Once again, I patiently said that I wasn't, right now, because my husband's overseas.  She casually remarked, "Well, either way, just be sure to use a backup method for a week after you stop taking your antibiotics."

I admit, I could have just nodded and left.  However (remember, sick, sleep dep, sense of humor?) I did not.  I set my little white prescription bag back down on the counter and leaned forward on my elbows.  "Are you insinuating that I might have an extramarital affair?"

She blinked.  "Um."

I continued: "Or, maybe you actually can get pregnant off a toilet seat? Or, I might accidentally stab myself with a penis? Like a needlestick, only with more consequences?"

At this point, the Walmart pharmaceutical technician was looking around her, possibly hoping the pharmacist would wander over, or another tech would appear.  I smiled.  "I get it; the divorce rate is close to fifty percent, I'm cute and have big boobs, and maybe the nose ring makes me look like I'm the type who might get freaky when my husband's out of town.  However," I pulled out my iPhone and clicked open my screensaver to show her the picture of Husband that graces the front of my phone:

"since I am married to someone who looks kinda smexy, and is intellectual to boot, I can probably contain my freaktastic urges until he returns from saving Korea from the horrors of a possible invasion of North Korean Communist Hordes."  and with that I collected my antibiotics and skipped toward the exit.

I'm horrible, I know.


SuziG said...

BAHAHAHA! I <3 you, and your sense of humor! Teehee! Even if you hadn't shown the picture, just verbally smacking her across the face is good enough. ;) Some people, y'know?

Mandy said...

This is AMAZING! Haha I would have loved to see her face!

Veronica said...

LMAO! Man, that's one of those things I think of to say after I've wandered off!!